港人，港情

“Since coming to HK, I haven't been able to engage my soul with this city, and I feel like it's just drifting along in life - such that even reality seems like half a dream when I take a step back and look at it at a distance. For that reason, I guess I am trying to use love for people, be it ah po, my family, u, my PRC friends, Korean friends, Singaporean friends to truly feel my own blood flowing beneath the flesh. This is a different dimension from work, and I know being a workaholic, I can still manage my own studies, my reflections of social and global issues, and anything that is rational very well. I think for now, what I need is to be able to "feel" - enjoy beauty of life, nature and people with an earnest attitude manifested from a heart that is truly exposed to Existence. I am someone sensitive - you shld know that - so sometimes I am strict with my own feelings and emotions too. When I am not "real", I don't pretend to tell myself that I am.”

This was what I wrote to a close friend in an email a few days back. It is also what is captured in the post below. Yet, I think Lady Luck has been with me all along, for she has bestowed upon me some very caring HK friends. A researcher in our lab offered to treat me to dinner on Thursday, fearing that I will be lonely during the mid-autumn festival. A senior from Fudan promised to meet me this Saturday for dinner. The group of teens (mostly kor kor and jie jie) whom I went out to sea with has again invited to their private gathering on Sunday, assimilating me into their circle even though I don’t speak Cantonese, and many of them are not fluent in English or Putonghua. Now, who says HK people are cold? They simply make my day.

住在“山城”中的感觉，其实很棒。每天3、4点走上山去港大，能够呼吸艳阳照耀下的清脆山脉与堆砌得有些不像样却感觉十分“草根”的水泥建筑共同调配而成的混浊空气，都是一种令人心情放松的方式。就算提早得肺癌，我也心甘情愿。

选举过去了，成绩公布了。我并没有参与过程，只是下课回家的路上，瞥见那街边的宣传横幅，冷冷落落，凄凄惨惨，有时真不知道，混乱之后，究竟留下了什么。就 像那常常吵得住路边的人睡不着的古老又具标志性的电车，在夜晚时分，停放在海港边的车站，静得奇怪。而路人，就尽情地在电车轨道上来回踩踏。

心变得小了，是因为年纪大了。越懂得自己，就越想躲进自身那不顾人间烟火的纯净心灵园地。但是，这个年龄，虽然追逐安全感，却也不愿放弃探索。于是，天天到 楼下的茶餐厅吃北菇滑鸡饭，配一杯冻菜蜜，沉浸在建筑工人、搬运人员、中年蓝领以及很多很多很多老人的陪伴中，似乎也有种满足。市区，反而令我有些生畏， 因为一个个西装笔挺的中环金融人才，比起茶餐厅里的市民，更像一只只穿着相同盔甲的黑工蚁，在最前卫的玻璃巢之中，前后穿梭。

我 想，做一只不折不扣的“土气熊”，让别人误以为我是中国人，其实也是另一番探索。毕竟，港人虽然还是会以自己的“流行”而自豪，却不会对能将一口流利普通 话的人，抱着过度彰显的高傲态度；亦不会对黄头发蓝眼睛的外国人，有过于特殊的待遇。殖民地的旧思维与中国崛起的新现实，让夹在中间的港人，在待人处事和 自我心态的调试上，生发出一种极为特殊的“中庸主义”。