Of being a PSC scholar

All brands carry with them expectations. Sometimes, probably through our life, expectations remain high and somehow almost become a matter of honour.

A PSC scholarship was never something I dared to dream of even till the moment I entered the Board room. It was just.. fortuitous. Yes, it's a great honour - probably the best Mother's Day gift for my beloved mum when she was alive.

But yes, there are expectations too. The first being that we are made to see issues from more than one perspective. More often than not, what this results in is a frenzy indulgence in policy-making processes and politicial quotes. That is why I chose to take on another role as a Zaobao columnist. On one hand, I'm made to see the considerations at policy level; on the other I am "forcing" myself to become a critic of social, political, cultural, educational and international issues.

Doing a balancing act isn't easy, especially when you're not back home and just getting information about home from newspapers and friends. Yet, I'm happy with this state of existence.

What does piss me off though is the assumption that I am already THE BOSS around here. It started off as a jest among teaching scholars here. Then, as others got used to the joke, it manifested into a kind of regular "compliment" I have no choice but to accept. DGE, minister...

Then, when I indicated my "ultimate life value" to be education instead of family, one scholar rebuked, "HOW CAN YOU? Don't you see that directors are usually people with spouses and preferably many many children?" I never knew being a PSC scholar meant I HAD to get married and give birth to a soccer team.

Perhaps just thoughtless (and sometimes evil) jokes? Perhaps expectations? Maybe, to both.

Yet, I got really worried when one scholar who usually knows his limits said to me quite subtly, "The future of our Chinese education rests on you."

It's not that I am deterred by the challenges ahead. Neither am I not aware that there aren't many PSC scholars who would opt to do Chinese literature in university. What troubles me is the psychology underlying the casual statements made by my future colleagues. Perhaps, it has become a stereotype that PSC scholars are just people whose aim in life is to scale that ladder, just like the mentality most people have that young principals are always looking for opportunities to add "DD" onto their resumes. Or perhaps, ministry scholars feel stifled or even "suppressed" by someone who received, at the age of 18, a scholarship which is supposed to carry greater honour, thinking they'll never get the chance to go up in the Leadership Track?

Some may say, whatever I am writing here are just unneccessary worries that will go away once all of us are in the system. Is that so? At times, I wonder, if our scholars do not even bother to speak up when they have opinions about a certain policy, or do not dare to challenge presumed boundaries, what's going to motivate them into doing so when they are in the system, with more problems like politicking, CCAs, deadlines, results and parents to deal with?

Perhaps, everybody has their roles to play, and some are just comfortable working quietly behind the scene. Fine enough. But why is it that teachers are still complaining so much - to scholars and not to their superiors? Is it that everyone has gotten so used to changes that they just try to move with the flow without using their brains, and thereafter whimper and whine when they feel stress pulling them down?

Or is it that our system still isn't giving teachers enough room to voice out their opinions and criticisms, though MOE constantly advocates consultations and holds FGDs (focus-group discussions) after FGDs? Perhaps teachers on the ground know better. What I do know is that Chinese teachers have to submit their articles for vetting by superiors before publishing it on mainstream papers. Talk about freedom of speech.. Yes, policy makers will tell you, "Look, public confidence is important." Yet, when policies fail one after another, I wonder how confident the public can be in us. Of course, for now, generations have been fooled by the "tweak-debate-committee-review" system of policy-making and easily react with the usual stupefaction when mistakes arise. Yet, another generation or two, and people aren't going to dismiss any minor flaws as easily.

As a teaching scholar, PSC or not, my primary objective is in being a good teacher, and putting children first on my agenda. While some may argue that policy-making is something close to metaphysics, or put nation (and economy) before everything else, I prefer the Athenian philosophy of Humanism in classroom teaching and policies. As usual, some may view this declaration as hypocritical. I don't care what people think, so long as I know what is the key to my definition of a successful education career.

Only one who can overcome the matter of face (and honour), and meet expectations not set by others but by himself, can truly do something for a greater cause.